eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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