2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
