# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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