Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
