Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
