i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
