i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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