we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize