Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
