I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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