When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
