The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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