just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
