Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
