My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
