I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
