What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
