i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
