i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
