The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
