there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
