Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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