so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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