Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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