I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
