she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
