Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
