oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
