FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
