Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
