Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How does one acquire holy water?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
