I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
