just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
