Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
