Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
