JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
