i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
