She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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