He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize