in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
