he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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