# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We have started to decorate penises.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
