fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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