When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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