At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
