Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
