I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
try to milk me bitch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
