bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
