I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
