I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
