Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nicole vs. Life
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
