My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
