guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
