I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
