She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
