My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
