you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
