You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize