Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize