just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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