You're completely useless in the revolution.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You pole danced in your parka.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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