I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
