last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
