Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
