just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
