Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
