He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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