i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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