dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
