I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
