Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
