i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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