I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
