there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
