He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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