I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
