Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
