I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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