i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
