A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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