So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
