Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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