Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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