My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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