The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
