i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
