So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Farmville is her only friend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
